Finally no longer 'alone' in conversation with my murderous inner critic

After decades of searching, doubting, fighting, struggling, giving up, despairing, causing grief, suffering, Empathy came my way… what a discovery!!!

Finally no longer ‘alone’ in conversation with my murderous inner critic, yes another ‘wise’ external voice , namely that of Empathy made its appearance…. Initially not very welcome, after all, we had it “right” with the two of us for years, me as fearful slave, my inner critic as mighty ruler!
Empathy invalidated his suppremation, what he had to say was anything but the truth, worse: scathing nonsense!
At the day center, I learned to recognize the false tricks of his strategy, the big lies he made me believe in, the thinking errors I made.
NO, anorexia is not just an immense problem of eating or not eating!
It’s just one of the inner critic’s tricks to keep me in its power, to mold me to its hand, to make me lose my own “self…

Eating in community was a huge challenge for me.
It was made clear to me in a very loving, gentle way that there was nothing “wrong” with eating a delicious, healthy, beautiful salad prepared according to the standards of nutrition. I soon got a sense of “safety,” nothing could happen to me, my inner critic was not in sole charge here, there was another voice that actually encouraged me and did not discourage me … that voice came from the kind people around me. And yes , my inner critic did not give in easily, he offered fierce resistance, did not want to lose me … but with each meal at Empathy his power dwindled, thanks to the endless patience, the great understanding, the touchingly gentle attention …
I had found a safe haven, here I felt strong! (How delicious, tongue-tied a chocolate could be…)
Gradually I expanded my ‘action radius’ (i.e. fighting for sufficient and tasty food) further, what could be done at Empathy had to be possible elsewhere too!
My inner critic was silenced more and more…, yes he is still there, but whether I want to listen to him, that is up to me to decide!

Thank you EMPATHIE, words are too short !